Kalder

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Kalderzayaen (deceased)

Note: "Kalderzayaen" is a portmanteau of the names "Kalder" and "Kizayaen," two of those under which this Astarian has wizzed.

Kalder was is was an administrator elder in the wizardry, previously known as Bale, initially elevated to the staff in September of 2007 by Nawara and Valyn. He is currently once again active under the name Kizayaen radioactive nuke bait.

He was is was nearly always invisible, and thus showed up as "an apparition" when speaking on the Astaria line. He was is was recognized by his signature conversational style of all lower case, with little or no punctuation back to typing normally, and use of some British English spelling, such as "colour", "armour", and "realise". His personal wizweapon was is was the bone katana Soulthief, which has also been downgraded into a player-usable format most commonly found on the mayhem Dagoyel.

Kalderzayaen maintains a software development blog which has, as one of its focuses, Astaria development. It can be accessed here.

Kalderzayaen purports to be the guitarist and founding member of a band called The Chris Kalder Experiment, which plays the "electroblues" genre of music. He describes its sound as being "slow-burning soundscapes drenched in drowsy paranoia." It should be noted that his real-life name is not, in fact, Chris Kalder. TCKE endorses Ibanez and Gibson guitars, Kala ukuleles, and Marshall amplification.

Kalderzayaen announced his resignation on Saturday, October 2nd, 2010, but had since been forcibly rewizzed under threat of physical violence from the admins. Rumour has it that he was then nuked in July of 2014 for wizzing his RL girlfriend, Cailet, without the benefit of an interview, apprenticeship, or coordinating with the admins at all.

Dude's pretty weird.

Known Aliases

  • Ebonskaith (player)
  • Bale (wizard)
  • Kalder (wizard)
  • Kizayaen (wizard)
  • ashes (inanimate object)

Projects

Completed

  1. The ronin camp area in Sakai (probation project)
  2. Cat and Fiddle Tavern and associated new pub functionality
  3. Druid Guild - Some conceptual work, guild hall, Atmosphere powers, gear restrictions, and rune pouch object
  4. Fighter Guild - dynamic tabards and guild poses
  5. Thief Guild - title system, informant power, tavern update
  6. Kerewinis, the Head Archivist
  7. Snipe hunt events and quest
  8. "Tune" command update
  9. Deathjester Triad mayhems - Dagoyel and Anise
  10. September 2008 caravan
  11. Several tools used by wizards such as "supertrace" and "scan"
  12. Tumbleweeds
  13. Fireworks
  14. Updates to and takeover of Panic's "Danger Bag" game
  15. Burning the Altheon aSTARiaBUCKS, the Weeping Unicorn Inn, and Love's Last Resort to the ground
  16. Bard Guild brew update

Uncompleted

  1. Thief Guild recode
  2. Updated DGD lib (nicknamed "AROA" by wizards and "A4" by players)
  3. Deathjester Triad mayhem - the Puppetmaster

Plans

... Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer,
my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any
resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.
The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to
hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the
existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god
coefficient.

(A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond
the scope of this article.)
You catch the snipe with a net spread up in the forest canopy. Take
it alive. Take it home. Poke out its eyes and put it in a small cage.
Force-feed it oats and millet and figs until it has swollen to four
times its normal size. Drown it in brandy. Roast it whole, in an oven
at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Bring it to the table. Place
a cloth -- a napkin will do -- over your head to hide your cruelty
from the sight of God. Put the whole bird into your mouth, with only
the beak protruding from your lips. Bite. Put the beak on your plate
and begin chewing, gently. You will taste three things: First, the
sweetness of the flesh and fat. This is God. Then, the bitterness of
the guts will begin to overwhelm you. This is the suffering of Jesus.
Finally, as your teeth break the small, delicate bones and they begin
to lacerate your gums, you will taste the salt of your own blood,
mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the
organs. This is the Holy Spirit, the mystery of the Trinity: three
united as one. It is cruel. And beautiful.
I am a part of the vast wizard conspiracy against you.
Kylan [astaria] hi all
Kylan [astaria] fine be that way then
Zowie [astaria] herro teh Kylan
An apparition [astaria] HELLO KYLAN <3 <3 <3 HOW R U
Kylan [astaria] better now someone spoke to me
An apparition [astaria] please don't hold it against us
An apparition [astaria] we are intimidated by your manly physique and razor sharp poison-coated blade
An apparition [astaria] and clearly you have a fearful temperment which we all wish to be well clear of
An apparition [astaria] we are but mortals
Kylan [astaria] lol, if it was anyone else i would say you are so full of shit :

Fear itself (and by "fear" I mean Kylan) howls in triumph at the death of An apparition (well, sorta mortal anyway)!

Kylan [astaria] rofl